Almost 17 Weeks Belly.

Almost 17 weeks!

I look like a fat kid who ate too much cake. Except I can feel my "cake" kicking around in there every time I lay down.

Nine days until the big SNEAK PEEK!

Ok, so I just like to make tickers.

I scheduled the ultrasound! A friend pointed out that we could just go to one of those 3d/4d ultrasound places and get it done on the weekend or after hours.

Why didn't I think of that?

I just scheduled a regular 2d ultrasound for Saturday November 14th at 11 in the morning.

Squeeeeee!

I decided to do 2d because it's only $99, which is similar to what we would pay with co-pay and insurance at the OB's office.

Babies look kind of scary in 3d/4d at 17 weeks. Google some pictures....creepy. I don't really want to see my baby without the chubby fat. You can't tell anything besides bones in the 2d ultrasound, for the most part.

I'll only be 17.5 weeks. Hopefully that is far along enough! They said to schedule it any time after 16 weeks and they have 99% accuracy.

I googled 17 weeks gender ultrasound photos and they look clear to me. Every penis I saw looked big enough to be obvious, and the vagina shows as 3 lines by 17 weeks...

I'm so nervous and excited! I'll be shocked if this baby is a girl, but I will be thrilled for Rosie to have a girl sibling close in age to play girlie games with.

I feel ok getting it done at only 17 weeks because I might be getting another ultrasound later and that could confirm the sex. I have to make one appointment to see my midwife's backup doctor and they might do an anatomy scan there. If it's too far along for a full anatomy scan, then just one to check placental location and all that. I'm going to schedule backup doctor appointment for closer to the middle of 20 weeks, or maybe for around 30 weeks. I haven't thought that far ahead yet really.

So in 9 days I'll know that a) the baby is alive and normal looking, and b) if it's a boy or a girl!!

I can't believe it.

I still feel like this pregnancy is a dream, like it's unreal.

The only things that makes it real are the baby kicks I feel when I'm laying in bed. That, and the overall sick that I am *still* suffering from. I can't believe that hasn't disappeared yet.

Not this weekend, but the next weekend...only one week to wait until the ultrasound!

Aaaaah!

Baby, I hope you are being immodest! If not, they let you come back again for free and check another day...but I don't want to keep frying my poor baby with multiple ultrasound and doppler waves.

Anyway.

Only nine days!!!!!

Heartbeat!

These are videos from early last week...sorry these are super crappy cell phone videos.

Baby's heartbeat!

And this is the heartbeat, but in the middle of the video you can hear the baby kicking.

Rosie has decided it's no longer a baby brother.

Then she wanted to sing the ABC's for me.

11/3/09

I can't believe I have made it to 16 weeks. The weeks are going by a little faster now.

I still have the constant fear of miscarriage though. I can't seem to make it stop.

The baby is getting stronger because now I feel very distinct kicks at least a couple times a day! I'm still feeling a lot of pressure too. Today I've just been laying in bed with Rosie, but there is so much pressure on my bladder and I'm having a lot of bh contractions. I don't like the pressure at all. The bh contractions are strange. Some days I have lots of them and other days I have none, or the ones I do have don't seem to squeeze as hard. I'm just hoping it's all normal. I'm staying well hydrated and everything, so there's nothing I'm doing to cause them to happen. I haven't even started drinking red raspberry leaf tea yet...

My uterus grew over night last night. Not my belly so much as just my uterus. I can easily feel where it is and it's so much closer to my belly button all of a sudden!

I had a belly ache and diarrhea yesterday. I think I ate too much Halloween candy the day before. My digestive system is so hateful. This pregnancy has come with way more gas and intestinal cramps than I have ever had in my entire life. Especially the gas and bloating, it's insane. It doesn't seem to matter what I eat or don't eat, and gas-x does nothing to help. Ugh. I keep hoping it will go away, like maybe it's just one of those miserable first trimester symptoms. But I'm out of the first trimester now...and it's still as miserable as ever.

Oh well.

I'm just thankful that I am pregnant with a wiggling, growing baby.

Very, very, very, VERY thankful.

The freaky body changes this pregnancy is causing continue. I think I'm going to shave my legs for the first time in like three years. Seriously. They have had fine red/blond hairs on them up until now that I wasn't going to waste time shaving. (Plus shaving really irritates the skin on my legs. Ouch.) Suddenly the hairs are so long, and darkening. It's disturbing!

What is the baby doing to me?? The fine blond hairs on my chest are also growing and darkening. This is not an exciting development. Rosie asked me why I have fur on her milks now. Wonderful. Soon I'm not going to let anyone (aka Tyler) see me naked...I've never been a hairy person before.

And my nipples...omg. They look like they belong to a cartoon version of a tribal lady on the cover of National Geographic.

By that I mean I woke up a few days ago and they were huge.

HUGE.

I've been breastfeeding for more than three years and they have not grown. They were normal and pink and nice.

Suddenly they decide to rapidly expand?

What kind of creature am I growing in my belly that would need nipples the size of dimes?

Is this normal!?!

What happened to my normal sized nipples??? At this rate they will be bigger than a newborn's mouth.

Ahem.

Anyway...

I'm still unsure what to do about the 20 week ultrasound.

At first I didn't want to find out the sex of the baby, I wanted it to be a surprise. Tyler badly wanted to find out, and so I said we could and got myself all excited about it.

The plan was/is to go to the OB's office for the first trimester and into the second trimester up until the 20 week scan. Then (assuming all is well on the ultrasound) I won't need to go back there. I very much dislike their office...the long wait times and the baby factory feeling it gives me. I'll just see my homebirth midwife for the rest of my care.

So I missed my last appointment with the OB's office and I have to reschedule it for sometime in the next couple of weeks. At that appointment I'll be able to schedule the ultrasound.

The problem is that Tyler can't go to the ultrasound because the office is only open during his work hours and he can't take off work for 60 days since he's new.

I was going to have my mom go with me, but I'm sad that Tyler can't be there and so is he. The plan was to go right before Thanksgiving so we could tell family members at Thanksgiving Dinner. I'll be 18-19 weeks pregnant then.

Then we realized that Tyler will get paid vacation for the Christmas holiday. He'll be off between Christmas and New Year's Day. The office should be open during that week, so he could go to an ultrasound then.

But I'll have to wait an entire month! I'll be 23-24 weeks pregnant at that point.

That will mean that the baby's face will be a lot more developed on the 3d/4d part of the ultrasound, which I mentioned before I have mixed feelings about. I want to see it, yet at the same time I want the face to remain a surprise.

I don't know what to do. I don't want to wait until after Christmas. I got all excited about finding out. At the same time I don't want to go without Tyler.

I am also sort of desperate to know that the baby is actually developing normally and doesn't have some sort of life ending defect.

Yes, I know, all my faith and trust is completely gone. Oh well.

The other downside about waiting is that I'll have to go to another waste of time and money appointment with the OB's office....a regular monthly December appointment...before I can have an ultrasound in December. But if I have the ultrasound in November I won't ever have to go back. I'm so ready to be done with them.

There is no good answer here. I wish Tyler could just go to the appointment in November. If they are open the day after Thanksgiving he can go, but I don't know if they are or not. I'm guessing probably not. As soon as I find my phone I'm going to call and ask. If they are open that day, Tyler will be off of work (another paid holiday!!) and that will solve the whole problem.

Halloween 2009.

Rosie says she was Velma (from Scooby Doo) who was dressed as Snow White.

We went trick or treating up and down the street and she had so much fun. She was grinning from ear to ear the entire time.

She also loved handing out candy at our door.

Now she's eaten too much candy and she's incredibly grumpy. Go figure.

This is why I say no thank you to vaccines.

Tara just shared this bit of information:

According to the FDA safe levels for aluminum in vaccines are 20 micrograms. Yet here are the current levels of aluminum per shot of the following vaccines, as listed on each vaccine's packaging: DTaP (for Diphtheria, Tetanus, and Pertussis): 170-625 mcg, depending on manufacturer Hepatitis A: 250 mcg; Hepatitis B: 250 mcg HIB (for meningitis; PedVaxHib brand only): 225 mcg HPV: 225 mcg

So. I was thinking...if one vaccine contains a level of aluminum considered unsafe by the FDA, and a child gets more than one vaccine at once, the child will be getting a high concentration of aluminum. Correct?

The purpose of aluminum in vaccines is to cause a strong immune system reaction so that the body will create an immunity to the disease(s) being vaccinated for.

(The aluminum is call the adjuvant, in case you want to google further.)

If a child gets a high dose of immune system stimulating aluminum injected into their body from one vaccine, or worse multiple vaccines, then what happens in response?

Would the immune system not be going crazy from extreme over stimulation as a result of all the stimulation from the aluminum?

How many people in our population are suffering from autoimmune related disorders? Allergies, anyone? There's an entire list of autoimmune disorders that are common if you google search it. I know people who have one or more of these disorders on the list. This is a good link.

Diabetes is autoimmune related, did you know that? Alzheimer's has been linked to aluminum...a lot of interesting articles if you google that.

This is how Google Health defines autoimmune problems:

Normally the immune system's army of white blood cells helps protect the body from harmful substances, called antigens. Examples of antigens include bacteria, viruses, toxins, cancer cells, and blood or tissues from another person or species. The immune system produces antibodies that destroy these harmful substances.

But in patients with an autoimmune disorder, the immune system can't tell the difference between healthy body tissue and antigens. The result is an immune response that destroys normal body tissues. This response is a hypersensitivity reaction similar to the response in allergies.

In allergies, the immune system reacts to an external substance that it normally would ignore. With autoimmune disorders, the immune system reacts to normal body tissues.

Basically, an autoimmune condition is a result of your immune system being hypersensitive and...going crazy. Attacking itself.

What could possibly cause this to happen? Researchers say the cause is unknown.

Recently...

I really need to get everything together. This pregnancy has caused a major disaster, in every category of home life.

Rosie does nothing but pick at junk food and watch TV or play computer games.

My house looks like several large bombs went off...it's not clean and it's not organized.

We have zero clean dishes. I ate my cereal this morning out of a pyrex measuring bowl with a baby spoon.

I lost my home organization binder. That in itself is a horrible crisis, it had all my recipes in it. It has to be here somewhere.

Half of our stuff is packed and in storage where we were planning on moving, so we're missing a lot of stuff that we need on a daily basis.

I'm bored to tears sitting in the same spot on the couch day after day after day feeling like complete crap.

Rosie has no winter clothes because I haven't gone to the store and bought them. She has no tennis shoes or socks!

I saved $100 to buy her winter stuff, which should be nearly enough considering she will probably get some clothes for Christmas.

I have to get her:

-a coat (last year's coats fit but are getting tight and really worn)

-tennis shoes

-a package or two of socks because we always loose them.

-long sleeve shirts

-long stretchy cotton pants

-a couple sweatshirts and maybe a fleece thing

-a few pairs of cotton pajamas and I promised her she could pick out a night gown.

-If there is any money left over I'll get a package of 5t panties, because the 4t's are getting really worn and some are too small

-I'll look at boots too, if any are on sale.

I need to hit up the hateful Walmart. I dislike that store with a passion, everything from the parking lot to the way the employees act, how dirty it is, and what the company stands for. However, I can buy very affordable and durable winter clothing there. Target also has some cute shoes and polar fleece thingies on sale I think. I've noticed Target clothes cost a little more and get holes in them easier. Walmart kid clothes are super cheap and have never ripped!

Before I go clothes shopping I have to do some laundry. We have mounds of laundry. Everywhere. It's terrible what feeling sick for 4 months can do to your household.

I need to box up everything in Rosie's drawers from summer. She is at this strange in between size right now...some 4t things are too small, a lot of 5t is too big. I'm hoping some of her slightly large summer things will fit perfectly next spring. Who knows though, you can't really predict how fast or slow kids will grow. I'm not sure what size to buy for this winter. I'll probably just get a mix of 4t and 5t things...by the time the clothes shrink in the wash and Rosie grows, the 5t stuff will probably fit.

I just realized I have no clue what size shoes she wears! She's been wearing flip flops all spring and summer. I forgot what size we got.

I really need to get up and do something, obviously. But I really just want to lay here. I just feel so...yuck. All over.

Oh by the way, tomorrow I have an OB appointment and I should get to schedule the 20 week ultrasound!!!!

I'm sad because Tyler can't go. He will have to work. His work hours and commute time take up all of the open hours of the office, and he can't miss any work for the first 60 days or it's automatic termination. If we were to wait until the 60 days are up so he can take off, we might as well wait until birth to find out. Tyler is the one who really wanted me to have an ultrasound to find out the sex too, and he can't even be there for it! I'm hoping they can either record it on DVD with their machine (not sure?) or I will get my mom and/or my sister to go and record it with the video camera for him.

If I am able to make the appointment for 18 weeks instead of 20 weeks, then I can find out before Thanksgiving so we can tell family then. That's only a few weeks away!

I'm debating a little. I want to find out before Thanksgiving, but the baby will only be 18-19 weeks grown. The ultrasound will do a 3d/4d picture of the face...it will look more baby-like the farther along I am and less scary alien-like. But at the same time, I almost feel like it's cheating to get to see the face. It's one thing to know the sex, but I remember with Rosie how I waited and guessed and dreamed what her face would look like for months and months. It was so exciting to find out what (who) she looked like, you know?

But at the same time I do want a sneak peak of baby's face...

There are more important things to agonize over, like what if the baby has major birth defects!?! I am so worried about that.

I'm still paranoid about miscarriage too. I had nightmares all night last night that I was bleeding and going into labor. In one dream I had the baby already and it was a boy, tiny and perfect, but I didn't seem to realize that I wasn't pregnant anymore and I was freaking out that I was bleeding, even though it was just the post-birth bleeding.

Ok I'm going to get up and do something...starting with some laundry. I'll keep going until gagging makes me lay down. I can't believe I still feel so crappy. I felt great at this point in Rosie's pregnancy...