11/3/09

I can't believe I have made it to 16 weeks. The weeks are going by a little faster now.

I still have the constant fear of miscarriage though. I can't seem to make it stop.

The baby is getting stronger because now I feel very distinct kicks at least a couple times a day! I'm still feeling a lot of pressure too. Today I've just been laying in bed with Rosie, but there is so much pressure on my bladder and I'm having a lot of bh contractions. I don't like the pressure at all. The bh contractions are strange. Some days I have lots of them and other days I have none, or the ones I do have don't seem to squeeze as hard. I'm just hoping it's all normal. I'm staying well hydrated and everything, so there's nothing I'm doing to cause them to happen. I haven't even started drinking red raspberry leaf tea yet...

My uterus grew over night last night. Not my belly so much as just my uterus. I can easily feel where it is and it's so much closer to my belly button all of a sudden!

I had a belly ache and diarrhea yesterday. I think I ate too much Halloween candy the day before. My digestive system is so hateful. This pregnancy has come with way more gas and intestinal cramps than I have ever had in my entire life. Especially the gas and bloating, it's insane. It doesn't seem to matter what I eat or don't eat, and gas-x does nothing to help. Ugh. I keep hoping it will go away, like maybe it's just one of those miserable first trimester symptoms. But I'm out of the first trimester now...and it's still as miserable as ever.

Oh well.

I'm just thankful that I am pregnant with a wiggling, growing baby.

Very, very, very, VERY thankful.

The freaky body changes this pregnancy is causing continue. I think I'm going to shave my legs for the first time in like three years. Seriously. They have had fine red/blond hairs on them up until now that I wasn't going to waste time shaving. (Plus shaving really irritates the skin on my legs. Ouch.) Suddenly the hairs are so long, and darkening. It's disturbing!

What is the baby doing to me?? The fine blond hairs on my chest are also growing and darkening. This is not an exciting development. Rosie asked me why I have fur on her milks now. Wonderful. Soon I'm not going to let anyone (aka Tyler) see me naked...I've never been a hairy person before.

And my nipples...omg. They look like they belong to a cartoon version of a tribal lady on the cover of National Geographic.

By that I mean I woke up a few days ago and they were huge.

HUGE.

I've been breastfeeding for more than three years and they have not grown. They were normal and pink and nice.

Suddenly they decide to rapidly expand?

What kind of creature am I growing in my belly that would need nipples the size of dimes?

Is this normal!?!

What happened to my normal sized nipples??? At this rate they will be bigger than a newborn's mouth.

Ahem.

Anyway...

I'm still unsure what to do about the 20 week ultrasound.

At first I didn't want to find out the sex of the baby, I wanted it to be a surprise. Tyler badly wanted to find out, and so I said we could and got myself all excited about it.

The plan was/is to go to the OB's office for the first trimester and into the second trimester up until the 20 week scan. Then (assuming all is well on the ultrasound) I won't need to go back there. I very much dislike their office...the long wait times and the baby factory feeling it gives me. I'll just see my homebirth midwife for the rest of my care.

So I missed my last appointment with the OB's office and I have to reschedule it for sometime in the next couple of weeks. At that appointment I'll be able to schedule the ultrasound.

The problem is that Tyler can't go to the ultrasound because the office is only open during his work hours and he can't take off work for 60 days since he's new.

I was going to have my mom go with me, but I'm sad that Tyler can't be there and so is he. The plan was to go right before Thanksgiving so we could tell family members at Thanksgiving Dinner. I'll be 18-19 weeks pregnant then.

Then we realized that Tyler will get paid vacation for the Christmas holiday. He'll be off between Christmas and New Year's Day. The office should be open during that week, so he could go to an ultrasound then.

But I'll have to wait an entire month! I'll be 23-24 weeks pregnant at that point.

That will mean that the baby's face will be a lot more developed on the 3d/4d part of the ultrasound, which I mentioned before I have mixed feelings about. I want to see it, yet at the same time I want the face to remain a surprise.

I don't know what to do. I don't want to wait until after Christmas. I got all excited about finding out. At the same time I don't want to go without Tyler.

I am also sort of desperate to know that the baby is actually developing normally and doesn't have some sort of life ending defect.

Yes, I know, all my faith and trust is completely gone. Oh well.

The other downside about waiting is that I'll have to go to another waste of time and money appointment with the OB's office....a regular monthly December appointment...before I can have an ultrasound in December. But if I have the ultrasound in November I won't ever have to go back. I'm so ready to be done with them.

There is no good answer here. I wish Tyler could just go to the appointment in November. If they are open the day after Thanksgiving he can go, but I don't know if they are or not. I'm guessing probably not. As soon as I find my phone I'm going to call and ask. If they are open that day, Tyler will be off of work (another paid holiday!!) and that will solve the whole problem.